How many of you have ever relocated "back home" when it was not your desire to move? You find yourself in your country of origin and you are not ready to come home?
I have never lived in North Carolina, and this temporary move is a most unusual re-entry. It is re-entry to my mother's state! If you have read my book, "Parents on the Move!" you will recall that my parents, deep south southern Americans, raised us kids in Washington, DC. It was southern as country ham and biscuits inside our home, but northern territory once you stepped out the door. I started early, going from culture to culture within a single day.
My mother has chosen to spend her final days back on Carolina home ground where she was born, and I have "come home" to look after her. I am on a sharp learning curve, indeed. These days I am much more at home in Manhattan or London, yet am doing all I can to care for her and do this re-entry "stuff" so that I can be of help to all the family. When the plane landed in the Carolina hills, so many people said "welcome home" but I can't even find my way around a grocery store!
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Priorities No 2
If you read yeseterday's blog you will understand that the first thing I did today(after the first part of the "morning routine" that I do for mom) was to head to the nurse's station and weigh myself. As a result, I am thinking through MY priorities as a caregiver!
No 1 Healthy eating
I am telling mom how much I appreciate all the food,restaurants etc but I am going to take care in what I eat. Simple? Just have a southern mother and see how YOU do!
No 2 Exercise
This priority may be on my prayer list more than in reality, but I AM going to try to walk a half hour a day! There is a good walking path nearby. If you have read my book, "Parent's on the Move!" you will know that one of the things I try to do when I change location is find a "walk" and a walking partner.
No 3 Quiet Time
Maybe not a set time at the moment, but if I have my Bible handy I can take the moments that come, and practice the Brother Lawrence style of praying while "in the kitchen."
No 4 Writing
Next week my mother's nurse will be here for more hours, so I will head to the library and attempt writing book number two! Am also thinking about writing a paper for the Families in Global Transition conference that is held in Washington DC next March....and then an article on "Women's Ministry"...
In someways, I need to approach this move into mom's assissted living as another relocation...so different emotionally, but a relocation non the less.
No 1 Healthy eating
I am telling mom how much I appreciate all the food,restaurants etc but I am going to take care in what I eat. Simple? Just have a southern mother and see how YOU do!
No 2 Exercise
This priority may be on my prayer list more than in reality, but I AM going to try to walk a half hour a day! There is a good walking path nearby. If you have read my book, "Parent's on the Move!" you will know that one of the things I try to do when I change location is find a "walk" and a walking partner.
No 3 Quiet Time
Maybe not a set time at the moment, but if I have my Bible handy I can take the moments that come, and practice the Brother Lawrence style of praying while "in the kitchen."
No 4 Writing
Next week my mother's nurse will be here for more hours, so I will head to the library and attempt writing book number two! Am also thinking about writing a paper for the Families in Global Transition conference that is held in Washington DC next March....and then an article on "Women's Ministry"...
In someways, I need to approach this move into mom's assissted living as another relocation...so different emotionally, but a relocation non the less.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Priorities No 1
Jo Parfitt in her recent twitter asked, "what keeps you from writing?" I answered, "priorities!" In the first days of the news that my mother was dying, all I could think about was, "Mom, what do you want? What can I do for you?" As I said in the last blog entry, it was twenty-four-seven, this caregiving.
Brain tumours are strange things. Mom is physically fairly fit, very fit for an 89 year old. Though she is losing her ability to think clearly and get some words to the surface of her thoughts and speech, she does make her wishes known. One of them is to see her friends, everyone who stops by, and answer every telephone call. People are flying into see her, and calls are coming in at all hours from all over the world.
Her second priority seems to be to feed us like hmmm, well, there is no tomorrow! She wants us to take her to restaurants, and at first I thought this was for her to enjoy eating a variety of foods and have meals with her family. She likes to be with the family alright-but she doesn't eat a thing! I have wanted to cook for her and prepare special meals;but no,she wants to go to the Texas Steak House! She wanted the visiting- from- England -grandkids to enjoy Outback! My sister and I are now looking at each other with expressions such as, "We can't keep this up. We will be the size of a house!" She wants diets out the window (not for her, but for us!)Doing the dishes is OUT....cooking is OUT. Ironing is OUT. Going to church with her is IN....but those meals are not what we would call healthy either!
I am so glad my husband is here now. He is an amazing help but he looked in the fridge and said, "so much food but nothing to eat!" Mom has stocked the fridge with every treat in town, (but still wants to visit every restuarant in town). I know her heart is to see her kids, and grandkids and sons in laws enjoy life and have the laughter and conversation around her....but this caregiver is sneaking in some fruit and yoghurt!
Brain tumours are strange things. Mom is physically fairly fit, very fit for an 89 year old. Though she is losing her ability to think clearly and get some words to the surface of her thoughts and speech, she does make her wishes known. One of them is to see her friends, everyone who stops by, and answer every telephone call. People are flying into see her, and calls are coming in at all hours from all over the world.
Her second priority seems to be to feed us like hmmm, well, there is no tomorrow! She wants us to take her to restaurants, and at first I thought this was for her to enjoy eating a variety of foods and have meals with her family. She likes to be with the family alright-but she doesn't eat a thing! I have wanted to cook for her and prepare special meals;but no,she wants to go to the Texas Steak House! She wanted the visiting- from- England -grandkids to enjoy Outback! My sister and I are now looking at each other with expressions such as, "We can't keep this up. We will be the size of a house!" She wants diets out the window (not for her, but for us!)Doing the dishes is OUT....cooking is OUT. Ironing is OUT. Going to church with her is IN....but those meals are not what we would call healthy either!
I am so glad my husband is here now. He is an amazing help but he looked in the fridge and said, "so much food but nothing to eat!" Mom has stocked the fridge with every treat in town, (but still wants to visit every restuarant in town). I know her heart is to see her kids, and grandkids and sons in laws enjoy life and have the laughter and conversation around her....but this caregiver is sneaking in some fruit and yoghurt!
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Caregiver
This is one of the most challenging things I have ever done-taking care of my mother in the last stages of a terminal illness. My husband and I were planning to be in Florida for several months when my mother called to say that she had an inoperable brain tumour and would I please travel up to North Carolina to visit her? Of course!
When I arrived, the lovely family doctor came to visit us and sat on the porch for a chat and a time of prayer. This is the Bible belt of America, and very much a culture of its own. This is the south, and so my sister and I sat on the porch with Dr B and held hands with mom and prayed. Then Dr B turned to my mother and lovingly looked right into her eyes.
"Libby," she said, "you taught these girls, and their brother, how to live. Now...you are going to teach them how to die. To die with dignity, in peace and with your loved ones around you. I will make sure you are in no pain, but for the emotional side of this life on earth, you will teach them God's way of passing on."
It was only later that we could make jokes and remind ourselves that no one says "dying" here...people just "pass."
At the moment each moment is precious and while we have everything anyone could need at this beautiful "independent/assisted/ nursing care" living space for the elderly that I now call "Assisted Camping" due to all the extended family BBQ's we have at the back of mom's cottage...these are moments of personal care for a mother saying good-bye to her family. It's the late nights, the midnight "runs" to the loo, notes back to England saying I won't be "home" this summer and then early morning assistance that mom needs. It's twenty-four seven, as they say in America.
When I arrived, the lovely family doctor came to visit us and sat on the porch for a chat and a time of prayer. This is the Bible belt of America, and very much a culture of its own. This is the south, and so my sister and I sat on the porch with Dr B and held hands with mom and prayed. Then Dr B turned to my mother and lovingly looked right into her eyes.
"Libby," she said, "you taught these girls, and their brother, how to live. Now...you are going to teach them how to die. To die with dignity, in peace and with your loved ones around you. I will make sure you are in no pain, but for the emotional side of this life on earth, you will teach them God's way of passing on."
It was only later that we could make jokes and remind ourselves that no one says "dying" here...people just "pass."
At the moment each moment is precious and while we have everything anyone could need at this beautiful "independent/assisted/ nursing care" living space for the elderly that I now call "Assisted Camping" due to all the extended family BBQ's we have at the back of mom's cottage...these are moments of personal care for a mother saying good-bye to her family. It's the late nights, the midnight "runs" to the loo, notes back to England saying I won't be "home" this summer and then early morning assistance that mom needs. It's twenty-four seven, as they say in America.
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Pentecost Sunday
My mother received a call at 6:50 am this morning. My first thought was, "who would call at such an hour?" as I staggered to get the phone for her. While she was talking, I put the coffee on. Soon I heard words from my mother, "oh that's terrible. I am so sorry." At first I thought it was another elderly person calling saying that someone was ill or had died.
Then I heard her say, "and you say the scriptures will be read in Yoruba? And you have to miss that?"
When mom got off the phone, she said, "my friend has to work at the hospital this morning and can't go to church. And they will be reading the scriptures in her own language in honour of Pentecost Sunday. It is so sad she has to miss it."
I am moved by the fact that my mother would love a phone call at this hour from someone a very long way from home, from someone who just wanted to go to church to hear the scripture read in her own language, but cannot go...and that this woman knew my mother would be available for a "mom moment of comfort."
I give thanks for all those that have mothered me in the past when I was a long way from these southern states of America and needed a mom-moment. What a world we live in and how special it is when those that have lived and are living this global nomadic life are there for each other.
"Gotta go..." mom is on the phone calling First Baptist Church Washington,DC giving her Pentecost greetings. When she lived there she started the Pentecost Sunday serivce. She's telling them to remember to get the flags of the nations out!"
Then I heard her say, "and you say the scriptures will be read in Yoruba? And you have to miss that?"
When mom got off the phone, she said, "my friend has to work at the hospital this morning and can't go to church. And they will be reading the scriptures in her own language in honour of Pentecost Sunday. It is so sad she has to miss it."
I am moved by the fact that my mother would love a phone call at this hour from someone a very long way from home, from someone who just wanted to go to church to hear the scripture read in her own language, but cannot go...and that this woman knew my mother would be available for a "mom moment of comfort."
I give thanks for all those that have mothered me in the past when I was a long way from these southern states of America and needed a mom-moment. What a world we live in and how special it is when those that have lived and are living this global nomadic life are there for each other.
"Gotta go..." mom is on the phone calling First Baptist Church Washington,DC giving her Pentecost greetings. When she lived there she started the Pentecost Sunday serivce. She's telling them to remember to get the flags of the nations out!"
Saturday, 22 May 2010
Girls Weekend
My sister and I decided we would have a girls weekend to celebrate our mother and take time to tell her how much we love her. Friday night I cooked a special dinner, lit the candles and loaded up her favourite music. We did the memory lane a little and then retired to the porch for apple pie and ice cream...then stayed up and talked until one am like college girls! Knowing she has brain cancer, mom seems to want to leave no stone unturned when it comes to saying what she wants/needs to say.
This morning my sister brought in homemade pumpkin muffins accompanied by hazelnut coffee. A very good way to start the day, complete with sunshine and carolina pines in view. Then we were off to a nearby shop. Mom purchased a beautiful formal gown and very happy with that purchase she really got into the shopping...and we loved the Sister's (that's the name!)dress shop here in Lumberton. Beautiful lamps, mirrors, splendid dressing rooms make this a wonderful shopping experience. I tucked behind a dressing room door for a tear or two, briefly thinking that this could very well be our last shopping trip together, but took a firm grip of my very non-helpful to the shopping experience emotions. There is no point in thinking like this! With a smile firmly back on my face at the joy of how beautiful mom looked in that new dress, we headed home. Mom is resting before we head out to her favourite oyster restaurant this evening. What a special time! We are cherishing every moment.
This morning my sister brought in homemade pumpkin muffins accompanied by hazelnut coffee. A very good way to start the day, complete with sunshine and carolina pines in view. Then we were off to a nearby shop. Mom purchased a beautiful formal gown and very happy with that purchase she really got into the shopping...and we loved the Sister's (that's the name!)dress shop here in Lumberton. Beautiful lamps, mirrors, splendid dressing rooms make this a wonderful shopping experience. I tucked behind a dressing room door for a tear or two, briefly thinking that this could very well be our last shopping trip together, but took a firm grip of my very non-helpful to the shopping experience emotions. There is no point in thinking like this! With a smile firmly back on my face at the joy of how beautiful mom looked in that new dress, we headed home. Mom is resting before we head out to her favourite oyster restaurant this evening. What a special time! We are cherishing every moment.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Going Home
I haven't written in a very long time, due my doing a partical re-entry to my country (but not state of origin), and my mother not being well. My husband and I were due to be in Florida for three months. He was happily adjusting to being an Englishman in the Sunshine State and I was thoroughly enjoying sunshine after an English grey winter. Then the call came. "Your mother is seriously ill, " I was told; and we discussed heading up to a small town in North Carolina where she resides in "assisted living." North Carolina is deep-south for those of you who wonder about the "North" in North Carolina. After a long walk and talk on the beach I decided I would go alone to spend a little time with my mother. You just about need another passport to head to my mother's home, and I didn't want to do a bi-cultural trip when my mother needed undiluted southern ways. I needed to not be a cultural translator for once. I will teach this old style southern way of dying to my half-English/half-American children as it is part of their heritage. I give thanks to my supportive husband as I figure out how to do this next stage of life in the global mix of international living.In this blog I look to process all that is happening as my mother prepares as only a southern lady could for her final transition...her amazing "going home" to see the king of kings. No passport required.
Saturday, 10 April 2010
Accountability
Years ago, when I was on a business trip to New York City as an HR consultant for one of the banks, I attended what I still call a Sunday School class (the rest of the world has moved on with new and various titles but I am nostolgic at times). It was just after nine-eleven and the topic of this class was money. What were people supposed to do? Jobs had been lost in a heartbeat and these class members were sitting in a room at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan talking about Jesus.
I thought I was only attending the class because it was Sunday and that is what I do on Sundays, go to church. I am humbled to even think God had plans for me that morning, but what happened in that class blew me away. Sitting on not terribly comforable seats, we leaned forward as a man at a chalk board pulled us out of ourselves and got us to think about how Jesus could be in this violent and financial mess. Not the "how" of metaphysical how, but in reality, what was He doing here? How was He connecting New Yorkers to Himself and how was He getting His people to share the burdens of the time?
Then a word came up and impacted my life. The word came from the man at the front of the room and that word he spoke so clearly was "accountability," but what blew me away was what happened next. Here in an urban environment, where trust had been rocked to ground zero the members of this class were talking about openly sharing their financial situations with each other. One man spoke of how me met with his "accountability partner" at lunch and they opened their checkbooks to each other with the goal of working to support their families with Christ like standards.What? In New York share your checkbook stubs?
Yesterday, and this is now 2010, I had the priveledge of meeting with someone from Redeemer to talk about accountability for writers. The result of that meeting is that I've been asked to write a proposal for a writers conference to be held here in New York City. Working title: Urban Christian Writers Conference. Purpose: to be blown away by God's role for writers. Writers accountable to Him by challenging each other to be all He meant us to be.Let's pray!
I thought I was only attending the class because it was Sunday and that is what I do on Sundays, go to church. I am humbled to even think God had plans for me that morning, but what happened in that class blew me away. Sitting on not terribly comforable seats, we leaned forward as a man at a chalk board pulled us out of ourselves and got us to think about how Jesus could be in this violent and financial mess. Not the "how" of metaphysical how, but in reality, what was He doing here? How was He connecting New Yorkers to Himself and how was He getting His people to share the burdens of the time?
Then a word came up and impacted my life. The word came from the man at the front of the room and that word he spoke so clearly was "accountability," but what blew me away was what happened next. Here in an urban environment, where trust had been rocked to ground zero the members of this class were talking about openly sharing their financial situations with each other. One man spoke of how me met with his "accountability partner" at lunch and they opened their checkbooks to each other with the goal of working to support their families with Christ like standards.What? In New York share your checkbook stubs?
Yesterday, and this is now 2010, I had the priveledge of meeting with someone from Redeemer to talk about accountability for writers. The result of that meeting is that I've been asked to write a proposal for a writers conference to be held here in New York City. Working title: Urban Christian Writers Conference. Purpose: to be blown away by God's role for writers. Writers accountable to Him by challenging each other to be all He meant us to be.Let's pray!
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Because of the Cross
Philippeans 2:3
To me, good manners are esential for telling/showing someone they are important. It's a way we show 'preference' in that we show/let someone know that they are importnt to us, maybe even more important than our own wants and desires.
To some, I live in the land of good manners- England. I agree that English writers have produced a number of good books on the subject and many of the Queen's subjects display great qualities of consideration for others, but the English version of manners is only one version of the etiquette we have agreed to call "manners."
Each culture has a group of behaviours and words considered to be "best manners." Best manners are often about protocol, and I prefer to think more in terms of "simple manners." It's not complicated to say "sorry, love." when we have hurt someone with words or behviours even if we have no idea what we have done. It isn't pretentious to apologize and save sorting out the resons behind a hurt for a later date.
It is pride that keeps us from acknowledging our humanness and our willingnes to "prefer one another." Pride keeps a wife from apologising for dinner not happening, a nation from the starting point of reconciliation with another nation, and me laying my whole life at the foot of the coss.
On this Holy Weekend I want to say sorry to God in the name of Jesus...not a light or polite or flipant "sorry" but a more deeply felt "sorry" that my countries where I have a passport, where I live and play are not raising the name of Jesus above all other names. May nation upon nation prefer you.
To me, good manners are esential for telling/showing someone they are important. It's a way we show 'preference' in that we show/let someone know that they are importnt to us, maybe even more important than our own wants and desires.
To some, I live in the land of good manners- England. I agree that English writers have produced a number of good books on the subject and many of the Queen's subjects display great qualities of consideration for others, but the English version of manners is only one version of the etiquette we have agreed to call "manners."
Each culture has a group of behaviours and words considered to be "best manners." Best manners are often about protocol, and I prefer to think more in terms of "simple manners." It's not complicated to say "sorry, love." when we have hurt someone with words or behviours even if we have no idea what we have done. It isn't pretentious to apologize and save sorting out the resons behind a hurt for a later date.
It is pride that keeps us from acknowledging our humanness and our willingnes to "prefer one another." Pride keeps a wife from apologising for dinner not happening, a nation from the starting point of reconciliation with another nation, and me laying my whole life at the foot of the coss.
On this Holy Weekend I want to say sorry to God in the name of Jesus...not a light or polite or flipant "sorry" but a more deeply felt "sorry" that my countries where I have a passport, where I live and play are not raising the name of Jesus above all other names. May nation upon nation prefer you.
Thursday, 1 April 2010
Baptism
Just a quick note to say that we are away this week at a family baptism in Italy. The following week we head to New York City and then down to Tampa where I look forward to catching up with a spot of blog writing!
In the meantime, let me say I think I found my new favourite airplane: Air Dolomiti. In addition to the interior of the plane being my favourite colour, you start with the flight attendants handing you a warm face cloth (real cloth, not paper) and then lovely snacks on a short flight. My six foot husband was actually comfortable in his seat and pleased to not have to pay extra for carrying large bags with grand-baby items.Smiles alround with cabin crew;and above all a good safe flight....not for the faint hearted, landing in Ancona as you slip over oil tankers. Oh, and it was cheaper than Ryan Air.
A blessed Resurrection Sunday to all...with Passover and Good Friday it is Holy Week, indeed.
In the meantime, let me say I think I found my new favourite airplane: Air Dolomiti. In addition to the interior of the plane being my favourite colour, you start with the flight attendants handing you a warm face cloth (real cloth, not paper) and then lovely snacks on a short flight. My six foot husband was actually comfortable in his seat and pleased to not have to pay extra for carrying large bags with grand-baby items.Smiles alround with cabin crew;and above all a good safe flight....not for the faint hearted, landing in Ancona as you slip over oil tankers. Oh, and it was cheaper than Ryan Air.
A blessed Resurrection Sunday to all...with Passover and Good Friday it is Holy Week, indeed.
Monday, 22 March 2010
Women's Ministry Farnham, England
Many, many years ago Maryele went to Uruguay from England with her husband. As a bride,non-working and simply accompanying her spouse, she had nothing to do. Bored, she sat at the yacht club and read a book that had been given to her as a good-bye present. Now, a life-time later and giving her testimony back in a small town in England, she unwrapped an out of print and worn out book entitled, "The Great Adventure," which told of the great adventure life could be with Christ. "This was the book," she said.
Maryele said she thought she was a Christian until she read the book she held before us. "When I read this," she said, she made a decision to REALLY give her life to Jesus-and the adventure began! She started Bible studies in her Uruguayan home, and was able to be a support to newly arriving missionaries. But her Bible study work was short lived. Her non-Christian husband complained and she had to ask her home group to leave. This group was run by a local missionary, and worried as she was that they might have difficulty in finding a new place to meet it turned out to be the best thing for the group. That Bible study grew into a ministry in over nine new locations!
The reason I am telling you all this is that last Wednesday the Farnham Baptist Women's group that I enjoy here in England, sat mesermised by Maryele's tales of her life and travels. This was life in Latin America well over fify years ago! She spoke of the patience God gave her and that her husband finally became a Christian when he was 90 years old. For seven years they conducted Bible studies together.
Maryele knows the importance of an inspiring book. For the past twenty - or more- years she has sent books to people in a number of countries.Maryele is always recommending books to people. Recently she got us to donate books to a women's prison in Malaysia. Destiny Image Publishers talk about "changing the world, one book at a time." Maryele is living proof.
Maryele said she thought she was a Christian until she read the book she held before us. "When I read this," she said, she made a decision to REALLY give her life to Jesus-and the adventure began! She started Bible studies in her Uruguayan home, and was able to be a support to newly arriving missionaries. But her Bible study work was short lived. Her non-Christian husband complained and she had to ask her home group to leave. This group was run by a local missionary, and worried as she was that they might have difficulty in finding a new place to meet it turned out to be the best thing for the group. That Bible study grew into a ministry in over nine new locations!
The reason I am telling you all this is that last Wednesday the Farnham Baptist Women's group that I enjoy here in England, sat mesermised by Maryele's tales of her life and travels. This was life in Latin America well over fify years ago! She spoke of the patience God gave her and that her husband finally became a Christian when he was 90 years old. For seven years they conducted Bible studies together.
Maryele knows the importance of an inspiring book. For the past twenty - or more- years she has sent books to people in a number of countries.Maryele is always recommending books to people. Recently she got us to donate books to a women's prison in Malaysia. Destiny Image Publishers talk about "changing the world, one book at a time." Maryele is living proof.
Friday, 12 March 2010
Families in Global Transition Conference
We gathered from all over the world to share our experiences of living in countries that do not match our passports. We were corporate, military, NGO's, missionaries, diplomatic service and support spouses. The moment we walked into the Houston hotel we were with "our tribe!"
Kim did a great job in organising this weekend conference that featured guest speakers, breakfast round tables, research findings and workshops...and a creative dance or two with media. We were young tck's (third culture kids) and "older." Some of us had done "re-entry" and some of us have never known when to to go home...some of us have never had such a place in the first place but we all love family life and adventures in global nomadic life. Whew, it was good to be home- for the weekend!
I launched my "baby"...the book "Parents in Global Transition!" and was so encouraged to meet with other "new moms/mums" as they brought their "first born home" for the parents (multi-published authors in this cross cultural field) to see and, hopefully, review. Jo Parfitt gave several wonderfully encouraging workshops for writers finding their voice in a group of fluctuating accents. We didn't have to be any nationality to put pen to paper, just a story and a willingness to share that story. I have signed up for further writing workshops with Jo and have asked that she please start a writers "toddler group" for all of us first book authors.
I know as I reflect on this conference I will be writing more about Families in Global Transition; but for now, let me say that I have uploaded a photo of the first person who bought my book. The buyer was a young American who works at an international school in China. He bought one for himself and one for his headmaster. I give thanks, and pray that he is blessed by what he reads in "Parents on the Move."
Kim did a great job in organising this weekend conference that featured guest speakers, breakfast round tables, research findings and workshops...and a creative dance or two with media. We were young tck's (third culture kids) and "older." Some of us had done "re-entry" and some of us have never known when to to go home...some of us have never had such a place in the first place but we all love family life and adventures in global nomadic life. Whew, it was good to be home- for the weekend!
I launched my "baby"...the book "Parents in Global Transition!" and was so encouraged to meet with other "new moms/mums" as they brought their "first born home" for the parents (multi-published authors in this cross cultural field) to see and, hopefully, review. Jo Parfitt gave several wonderfully encouraging workshops for writers finding their voice in a group of fluctuating accents. We didn't have to be any nationality to put pen to paper, just a story and a willingness to share that story. I have signed up for further writing workshops with Jo and have asked that she please start a writers "toddler group" for all of us first book authors.
I know as I reflect on this conference I will be writing more about Families in Global Transition; but for now, let me say that I have uploaded a photo of the first person who bought my book. The buyer was a young American who works at an international school in China. He bought one for himself and one for his headmaster. I give thanks, and pray that he is blessed by what he reads in "Parents on the Move."
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Your International Love Language!
Next Sunday (not this coming Sunday) is what they call Mothering Sunday in the UK, and I want to show my love to my children and give thanks to God for being a mom/mum. There were days, months, years when I wondered if I would ever get to be a mother. I was told that maybe I would never have that opportunity for medical reasons. Then, when I did get pregnant, I had four miscarriages. As I am one of those mothers that start talking to their babies within two weeks of conception, there is no way I can forget those precious little lives.
So, it is with great joy that I give thanks for my kids. It would have been good to have the book Five Love Languages (there is a version for kids), when they were young but at least I am aware of the Love Language concept at this stage of their adult lives. My daughter and I have one of our love languages in common (Quality Time) and she has planned a Mothering Sunday treat on the Saturday. I am very much looking forward to a day at a London spa! We're not spending money on facials or other treatments, but we are looking forward to time together just hanging out at the pool and steam room. We could talk for both the England and American Olympic teams!
My son is also great at remembering Mothering Sunday, but due to the fact it is so near his birthday we often chose to celebrate the American Mother's Day which is later in May. If you happen to be in the card shops in London (especially Canary Wharf area where expats tend to work) in May, you will see signs for "International Mother's Day" as the Australians and Germans, among others, also celebrate their mums/moms at that time. When I was an HR consultant for Lehman Brothers and Chase Manhattan/JP Morgan, I told many clients to remember, "She who "mothers" in two countries deserves two Mother's Days!"
I give thanks for the six adult "kids" that my husband and I now have between us; for our mended (ing?), somewhat blended family...and this mom still has four additional blessings to meet in heaven. I give thanks.
Take a moment and click here to discover your Love Language!
So, it is with great joy that I give thanks for my kids. It would have been good to have the book Five Love Languages (there is a version for kids), when they were young but at least I am aware of the Love Language concept at this stage of their adult lives. My daughter and I have one of our love languages in common (Quality Time) and she has planned a Mothering Sunday treat on the Saturday. I am very much looking forward to a day at a London spa! We're not spending money on facials or other treatments, but we are looking forward to time together just hanging out at the pool and steam room. We could talk for both the England and American Olympic teams!
My son is also great at remembering Mothering Sunday, but due to the fact it is so near his birthday we often chose to celebrate the American Mother's Day which is later in May. If you happen to be in the card shops in London (especially Canary Wharf area where expats tend to work) in May, you will see signs for "International Mother's Day" as the Australians and Germans, among others, also celebrate their mums/moms at that time. When I was an HR consultant for Lehman Brothers and Chase Manhattan/JP Morgan, I told many clients to remember, "She who "mothers" in two countries deserves two Mother's Days!"
I give thanks for the six adult "kids" that my husband and I now have between us; for our mended (ing?), somewhat blended family...and this mom still has four additional blessings to meet in heaven. I give thanks.
Take a moment and click here to discover your Love Language!
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
New Things
Those of you who have read this blog from the beginning will know that I have been praying for Jen who has relocated to Australia (Jen of the "stopovers" entry) and Braam. Braam's relocation wasn't to another country. He moved from Canary Wharf to another investment firm just outside London...but it might have been thousands of miles away for the cultural change he has experienced.
Abraham (or Braam to his friends) has moved from an American work culture to a British work culture, which has brought some insights to this South African. He is becoming quite a "work-culture translator." When you read my book, "Parents on the Move," (out this March 2010 from Destiny Image Europe) you will see what a vital resource it is to have a cultural translator on staff. This is not a language translator, but someone who is able to see cultural differences in the workplace and assist others with making a transition from one approach to another.
While Braam hasn't done a lot of work-culture switching, he seems to have found two main differences in the American investment company he recenly left, and his new job at a British investment company. " Neither is right or wrong," he hastens to add, "they are simply the cultural values that define the way a company works."
For example, in the American work culture that he experienced, he found a core value of respect for every employee regardless of where you are in the company. If someone had an idea, it was at least listened to, even if everyone wanted to help you refine that idea! In the British company where he is now working, the culture seems to value listening to employees with the most experience, qualifications or higher position on the corporate heirarchy. " They are shown the most respect," says Braam who is happy that he is one of those who is shown considerable respect.
The second major cultural difference between his American and British work-culture experiences is that in the American work culture he was given scope for doing things the way he would like to do them (as long as he met dealines and goals etc), but in the British work-culture he has been told that there is a tradition in the company for "how things are done."
"I'm quite happy, but it's good to know which work culture works for you, before you accept a new job!" says Braam.
Some one else who is starting something new is Maryanne ...check out her blog and nourish your spirit with some lovely art. http://paintdance.blogspot.com/
Abraham (or Braam to his friends) has moved from an American work culture to a British work culture, which has brought some insights to this South African. He is becoming quite a "work-culture translator." When you read my book, "Parents on the Move," (out this March 2010 from Destiny Image Europe) you will see what a vital resource it is to have a cultural translator on staff. This is not a language translator, but someone who is able to see cultural differences in the workplace and assist others with making a transition from one approach to another.
While Braam hasn't done a lot of work-culture switching, he seems to have found two main differences in the American investment company he recenly left, and his new job at a British investment company. " Neither is right or wrong," he hastens to add, "they are simply the cultural values that define the way a company works."
For example, in the American work culture that he experienced, he found a core value of respect for every employee regardless of where you are in the company. If someone had an idea, it was at least listened to, even if everyone wanted to help you refine that idea! In the British company where he is now working, the culture seems to value listening to employees with the most experience, qualifications or higher position on the corporate heirarchy. " They are shown the most respect," says Braam who is happy that he is one of those who is shown considerable respect.
The second major cultural difference between his American and British work-culture experiences is that in the American work culture he was given scope for doing things the way he would like to do them (as long as he met dealines and goals etc), but in the British work-culture he has been told that there is a tradition in the company for "how things are done."
"I'm quite happy, but it's good to know which work culture works for you, before you accept a new job!" says Braam.
Some one else who is starting something new is Maryanne ...check out her blog and nourish your spirit with some lovely art. http://paintdance.blogspot.com/
Monday, 15 February 2010
Pancake Tuesday
At the moment, the British grocery stores are promoting all the ingredients for English pancakes*, so being a Level Four (read "Parents on the Move!" to find your level), I have to make it complicated.
We have invited our Dutch friend, Rosalinde, for one of our favourite (because we like to eat) English traditions, Pancake Tuesday; and will start with German pancakes (my mother in law's recipe-the German first course for this tradition is with bacon) and finish with Dutch pancakes and French crepes. All cooked in an English kitchen (measurments, layout etc) and eaten by an American, an Englishman and our lovely Dutch friend. My kind of evening!
Pancake Tuesday is the night before Ash Wednesday, and it is the start of Lent. The last night for great carbs until Easter, at least for me. We fast for the day on Wednesday after the morning worship service in our local church. From Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday many Christians around the world sacrifice such things as chocolate or wine, or maybe some habit for a season. We sacrfice these things, in the hope that through giving up something we truely enjoy we will gain understanding of the concept of sacrifice.
But Lent isn't just about giving up things. It's also a time to reflect on some issues in these challenging times. Let's remember that not everyone has the freedom to worship at a local church, or wear Ash Wednesday ashes on their foreheads which lets others know they have a commited faith. Let me encourage you to seriously consider joining me in Praying for The Persecuted Church in Lent. There is an excellent booklet that can help guide your prayers and it is produced by the Barnabas Fund. Find more information at http://www.barnabasfund.org/
I pray you have a thoughtful and reflective Lent, as we prepare to remember the sacrifice Jesus made so that we may have life, and life to the full.
*not just English pancakes, but Scottish and a whole aray of microwavable!
We have invited our Dutch friend, Rosalinde, for one of our favourite (because we like to eat) English traditions, Pancake Tuesday; and will start with German pancakes (my mother in law's recipe-the German first course for this tradition is with bacon) and finish with Dutch pancakes and French crepes. All cooked in an English kitchen (measurments, layout etc) and eaten by an American, an Englishman and our lovely Dutch friend. My kind of evening!
Pancake Tuesday is the night before Ash Wednesday, and it is the start of Lent. The last night for great carbs until Easter, at least for me. We fast for the day on Wednesday after the morning worship service in our local church. From Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday many Christians around the world sacrifice such things as chocolate or wine, or maybe some habit for a season. We sacrfice these things, in the hope that through giving up something we truely enjoy we will gain understanding of the concept of sacrifice.
But Lent isn't just about giving up things. It's also a time to reflect on some issues in these challenging times. Let's remember that not everyone has the freedom to worship at a local church, or wear Ash Wednesday ashes on their foreheads which lets others know they have a commited faith. Let me encourage you to seriously consider joining me in Praying for The Persecuted Church in Lent. There is an excellent booklet that can help guide your prayers and it is produced by the Barnabas Fund. Find more information at http://www.barnabasfund.org/
I pray you have a thoughtful and reflective Lent, as we prepare to remember the sacrifice Jesus made so that we may have life, and life to the full.
*not just English pancakes, but Scottish and a whole aray of microwavable!
Monday, 8 February 2010
Stop Overs
You may recall I have been praying for Jen, the lovely young woman relocating to Australia. She skyped the other night/day when she stopped over in Kuala Lumpur. I thought her remarks on the advantages of "stop overs" was worth noting here, especially for Experience Levels One and Two. See her notes below and then order the book "Parents on the Move!" to check out your Level of Relocation vs Experience Level!
“Doing a stopover” by Jen:
"It had been a while since I did a stopover and I decided to make this particular one longer than the previous because I was flying to Australia and would have had to change planes anyhow. My stopover was in Kuala Lumpur - around 25 hours, not including the journey to and from the airport...
Overall, I would say it was a positive experience and I would recommend it to anyone who is flying far and has the option of stopping in a new location for a night. Firstly, a stopover gives one the opportunity to get a taste of another city without having to commit yourself to one or two weeks- if you do not like the place, there are no regrets because you are only there for a night and if you do like what you see, you can always come back to explore further another time.
Secondly, long-haul flights can be exhausting and as we know, not good for our health so a stopover which includes a night in a hotel is a perfect way to un-wind, rest and break up your journey.
Finally, it also helps to deal with jet lag as it gives you an extra day to re-adjust and catch up with your new time zone, thus avoiding the unnecessary shock to your system when you arrive at your final destination."
It was great to literally see Jen in Kuala Lumpur on the webcam...I am not always a fan of using the camera when talking on skype but it was good to see her looking so well after such a long flight.
Just a note to say I have taken off the "comments" section of this blog as I understand you can only comment if you have a google account. Most of the comments I have received so far have come from email anway. Please do checkout the website http://www.parentsonthemove.com/ for contact details.
“Doing a stopover” by Jen:
"It had been a while since I did a stopover and I decided to make this particular one longer than the previous because I was flying to Australia and would have had to change planes anyhow. My stopover was in Kuala Lumpur - around 25 hours, not including the journey to and from the airport...
Overall, I would say it was a positive experience and I would recommend it to anyone who is flying far and has the option of stopping in a new location for a night. Firstly, a stopover gives one the opportunity to get a taste of another city without having to commit yourself to one or two weeks- if you do not like the place, there are no regrets because you are only there for a night and if you do like what you see, you can always come back to explore further another time.
Secondly, long-haul flights can be exhausting and as we know, not good for our health so a stopover which includes a night in a hotel is a perfect way to un-wind, rest and break up your journey.
Finally, it also helps to deal with jet lag as it gives you an extra day to re-adjust and catch up with your new time zone, thus avoiding the unnecessary shock to your system when you arrive at your final destination."
It was great to literally see Jen in Kuala Lumpur on the webcam...I am not always a fan of using the camera when talking on skype but it was good to see her looking so well after such a long flight.
Just a note to say I have taken off the "comments" section of this blog as I understand you can only comment if you have a google account. Most of the comments I have received so far have come from email anway. Please do checkout the website http://www.parentsonthemove.com/ for contact details.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
British Military Wives
This past Saturday I attended a wonderful one day women's conference in Aldershot, a home of the British military. To begin with there was a great welcome, which is always a good start. Most of the attendees were from the base, but there were others like me who had heard about this conference from their local church. I came with two friends, and we had a day to remember!
The speaker was from St Aldate's in Oxford ( http://www.staldates.org.uk/) and she travels all over the world with her ministry "Heartscry!" ( http://www.heartcry.co.uk/) She's a Vicar's wife, but don't think of afternoon garden tea parties when you think of Rachel. Think of challenging you to being a watchman/watchwoman for the nation! Let me explain.
Rachel held up a glass with water. "What happens when an opera singer goes for the high notes?"
The glass breaks. Sound makes a vibration.
It was with sounds put together in a word, that God breathed out the word and created the world.
Then...Rachel asked these military wives, "what happens when your husbands are marching and go over a bridge?"
My friends and I hadn't a clue,but the hall errupted with women saying, "they break step!"
What's that about?
Well, it seems that the vibrations of marching could bring down the bridge unless they broke the pattern of being in-step. NOW, think of the walls of Jerricho. Men marching in step, round and round the walls seven times.
Rachel then asked us, "what sound are you making?"
She said that from the beginning of time God designed us, and made us to be here for such a time as this. (yes, think Ester) Are we being called to be "watch women?" Is there something happening in our world with which we are "not best pleased?" Are we meant to make a difference? What is it we want to say? What sound are we making and sending out in the world? Are we saying, "Not on my watch!" to something we feel strongly about?
I pray that you make a sound or two today. What is your sound? If we are in agreement about the sounds we send out and "keep in step" a wall or two just might come down.
The speaker was from St Aldate's in Oxford ( http://www.staldates.org.uk/) and she travels all over the world with her ministry "Heartscry!" ( http://www.heartcry.co.uk/) She's a Vicar's wife, but don't think of afternoon garden tea parties when you think of Rachel. Think of challenging you to being a watchman/watchwoman for the nation! Let me explain.
Rachel held up a glass with water. "What happens when an opera singer goes for the high notes?"
The glass breaks. Sound makes a vibration.
It was with sounds put together in a word, that God breathed out the word and created the world.
Then...Rachel asked these military wives, "what happens when your husbands are marching and go over a bridge?"
My friends and I hadn't a clue,but the hall errupted with women saying, "they break step!"
What's that about?
Well, it seems that the vibrations of marching could bring down the bridge unless they broke the pattern of being in-step. NOW, think of the walls of Jerricho. Men marching in step, round and round the walls seven times.
Rachel then asked us, "what sound are you making?"
She said that from the beginning of time God designed us, and made us to be here for such a time as this. (yes, think Ester) Are we being called to be "watch women?" Is there something happening in our world with which we are "not best pleased?" Are we meant to make a difference? What is it we want to say? What sound are we making and sending out in the world? Are we saying, "Not on my watch!" to something we feel strongly about?
I pray that you make a sound or two today. What is your sound? If we are in agreement about the sounds we send out and "keep in step" a wall or two just might come down.
Friday, 29 January 2010
English National Health Service
I've had so many people, including American relatives ask me "what IS the British National Health Service like?" Even though I have a degree in politics, let me tell you that as much as possible....this blog is NOT political. I will share my experience but I will not be using this site to push you into politcal stances.
With that political disclaimer out of the way, let me say there is no truely "British" National Health. The service you get is different from town to town, never mind the differences between England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. There are some structual similarities, but so far the questions have been more about the experience from the user end; in other words "what's it LIKE!"
So, let me tell you how I found the service at the nhs yesterday. Our nearest town is Farnham in Surrey. (This is when English friends go "Oh.....Surrey," because Surrey gets everything, and by that I mean the best of everything.) It's not that all of us are rich, but we talk alot. And we live near London (so many of us are commuters) so you can't fob us off with old ways of doing things. I say "we" because as a long term expat, I have one of those little nhs cards, along with the privilege of paying taxes.
Back to yesterday. I had received a letter saying that though the latest research states that a woman should only have a mammogramme once every three years, my doctor had recommended everyone in her practice to "have another one" as long as it had been over a year since our last one. Following me? I called Rebecca...I mean, Dr Reynolds and checked that there wasn't anything wrong with me. (A little paranoia that maybe this was her polite way of getting me for a recheck when something might be wrong.) She said she just wanted a latest report....a screening of all her female patients, and truely, everyone was "invited." I could turn it down.
I thought of the millions of women, including women in the USA where having a mammogramme would be an answer to prayer, so I duely went along. The Farnham hospital is mostly a new facility, with new wings having being built by selling off some land they owned. The breast screening clinic wasn't in the new bit. In fact, the clinic was in a mobile unit that seems to be visiting our hospital parking lot for a few weeks.
I went in and sat with two other women (no large waiting room with fresh coffeee and tea that you find in the breast screening home base in Guildford -our nearest large town where I had been before) but it was clean, with pleasant colors (very important to me) and a friendly Irish nurse who called my name the moment I walked in. I was just hearing a very good story from one of the waiting women about her granny who had recently died at 91 when I was called in for my check up. Moving right along, let me say these new machines are not painful with their plastic bits like the old metal machines ages ago and somehow it is a comfort that the nurse doesn't go racing out of the room while you hear a radiation buzz!
Two minutes later, I was thanked for coming (no, " thank you!"), quickly changed in a bright colored cubicle and slipped out the back door to my husband waiting in the car. Drive in mammogrammes!
With that political disclaimer out of the way, let me say there is no truely "British" National Health. The service you get is different from town to town, never mind the differences between England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. There are some structual similarities, but so far the questions have been more about the experience from the user end; in other words "what's it LIKE!"
So, let me tell you how I found the service at the nhs yesterday. Our nearest town is Farnham in Surrey. (This is when English friends go "Oh.....Surrey," because Surrey gets everything, and by that I mean the best of everything.) It's not that all of us are rich, but we talk alot. And we live near London (so many of us are commuters) so you can't fob us off with old ways of doing things. I say "we" because as a long term expat, I have one of those little nhs cards, along with the privilege of paying taxes.
Back to yesterday. I had received a letter saying that though the latest research states that a woman should only have a mammogramme once every three years, my doctor had recommended everyone in her practice to "have another one" as long as it had been over a year since our last one. Following me? I called Rebecca...I mean, Dr Reynolds and checked that there wasn't anything wrong with me. (A little paranoia that maybe this was her polite way of getting me for a recheck when something might be wrong.) She said she just wanted a latest report....a screening of all her female patients, and truely, everyone was "invited." I could turn it down.
I thought of the millions of women, including women in the USA where having a mammogramme would be an answer to prayer, so I duely went along. The Farnham hospital is mostly a new facility, with new wings having being built by selling off some land they owned. The breast screening clinic wasn't in the new bit. In fact, the clinic was in a mobile unit that seems to be visiting our hospital parking lot for a few weeks.
I went in and sat with two other women (no large waiting room with fresh coffeee and tea that you find in the breast screening home base in Guildford -our nearest large town where I had been before) but it was clean, with pleasant colors (very important to me) and a friendly Irish nurse who called my name the moment I walked in. I was just hearing a very good story from one of the waiting women about her granny who had recently died at 91 when I was called in for my check up. Moving right along, let me say these new machines are not painful with their plastic bits like the old metal machines ages ago and somehow it is a comfort that the nurse doesn't go racing out of the room while you hear a radiation buzz!
Two minutes later, I was thanked for coming (no, " thank you!"), quickly changed in a bright colored cubicle and slipped out the back door to my husband waiting in the car. Drive in mammogrammes!
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Countdown to Moving
Jen is the young Russian-English woman I mentioned last week. In one more week's time she moves to Austalia. She's on "countdown."
With her busy life that includes recently being on American television to tell about the London Salt Cave as well as researching best new camera buys (she thinks Kuala Lumpur shops), I am impressed with her adding something very 21st century to her to-do list: She has checked that her mother has up to date skype contacts!
For so many years, preparing-to-go included checking contact details in a little leather address book; making sure you had telephone numbers and more recently, emails. Jen's mother is no novice to travelling, whether it's heading back to Russia (her country of origin) or seeing Jen off on adventures to Isreal, Thailand, Turkey, Hong Kong, the Sahara.....you name it! But there are generational differences in dealing with what I called that "communication gap," that gap that comes when a member of the family travels off on their own. In my book, "Parents on the Move! (Destiny Image Europe publishers) I said that this was the gap that comes from differing time zones and unshared adventures.
Jen will communicate through her blog and develop her photoraphy, but I am impressed that this twenty-something woman took a moment in a very hectic countdown to relocating overseas to load up the skype contacts for her mum.
This week I continue to pray that Jen will see "Father God in the details" as she does all she needs to do before boarding that plane!
With her busy life that includes recently being on American television to tell about the London Salt Cave as well as researching best new camera buys (she thinks Kuala Lumpur shops), I am impressed with her adding something very 21st century to her to-do list: She has checked that her mother has up to date skype contacts!
For so many years, preparing-to-go included checking contact details in a little leather address book; making sure you had telephone numbers and more recently, emails. Jen's mother is no novice to travelling, whether it's heading back to Russia (her country of origin) or seeing Jen off on adventures to Isreal, Thailand, Turkey, Hong Kong, the Sahara.....you name it! But there are generational differences in dealing with what I called that "communication gap," that gap that comes when a member of the family travels off on their own. In my book, "Parents on the Move! (Destiny Image Europe publishers) I said that this was the gap that comes from differing time zones and unshared adventures.
Jen will communicate through her blog and develop her photoraphy, but I am impressed that this twenty-something woman took a moment in a very hectic countdown to relocating overseas to load up the skype contacts for her mum.
This week I continue to pray that Jen will see "Father God in the details" as she does all she needs to do before boarding that plane!
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Final Edit
http://www.eurodestinyimage.com/ Late last night I completed what looks like the final edit of the book "Parents on the Move!" and sent it back to Marzia, the project manager at Destiny Image Europe. Reflecting on coming to the end of writing this "how to" book, I look back over the past months and think how blessed I have been to work with this publishing team. It has been such a good experience!
Every step of the way the Destiny team has supported and encouraged me, which as a first time book writer, has been much apprecitated. They provided an excellent editor; who while noting every "i" that needed dotting, and every "t" that needed crossing, kept me focusing on what was working. Almost daily emails from Marzia blessed me with seeing progress! Chief of the publishing team is Pastor Pietro Evangelista, and from the day he led me and the rest of team in praying for this book, I knew I had made the right choice to publish with Destiny Image. I give thanks for their work!
Soon, Pietro and members of the Destiny Image Europe team will head to Nigeria and Kenya to encourage potential authors to publish their story. Have a look at the Destiny Image Europe website and click on the You Tube section. See the work they are doing in Jesus' Name, "Changing the world, one book at a time."
And by the way, you can go to my website, http://www.parentsonmove.com/ and click on the You Tube "book trailer" orgainised by Destiny Image Europe to see our vision for "Parents on the Move!" The book will be on sale this March 2010. Praise God!
Every step of the way the Destiny team has supported and encouraged me, which as a first time book writer, has been much apprecitated. They provided an excellent editor; who while noting every "i" that needed dotting, and every "t" that needed crossing, kept me focusing on what was working. Almost daily emails from Marzia blessed me with seeing progress! Chief of the publishing team is Pastor Pietro Evangelista, and from the day he led me and the rest of team in praying for this book, I knew I had made the right choice to publish with Destiny Image. I give thanks for their work!
Soon, Pietro and members of the Destiny Image Europe team will head to Nigeria and Kenya to encourage potential authors to publish their story. Have a look at the Destiny Image Europe website and click on the You Tube section. See the work they are doing in Jesus' Name, "Changing the world, one book at a time."
And by the way, you can go to my website, http://www.parentsonmove.com/ and click on the You Tube "book trailer" orgainised by Destiny Image Europe to see our vision for "Parents on the Move!" The book will be on sale this March 2010. Praise God!
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