"The second key to a successful research trip is an attitude of gratitude".
We need to have a 'different spirit' than the rest of the masses travelling these days!
This different spirit ( Numbers 14:24) is one that actively looks out for what the Lord is going to do for us as we move to where ever the Lord has called us to live. "This is why it is so important in our relocation strategy that our first step mentioned in Chapter 1 ("Parents on the Move!" published by Destiny Image Europe)is to know that He both told us to go and He promises He will go with us."
If you are travelling with teenagers or older children, have them get in the game. Tell them to keep notes, and challenge each other to "see things" that they just knowis a blessing from God, either for the research trip or as a hope for the move itself. For example, just meeting someone at the potential school that not only welcomes your family, but takes a special interest in your child's interests and lets them know the connections they can make in your new community. That's a blessing that opens doors!
Moses did not want to even think about relocating without God. "If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." (Exodus 33:15)Thankfully the Lord agreed, saying "My presence will go with you and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14)
Rest? Are you kidding? Well, my husband and I are off travelling for a few days, but when we come back, I will look at just the support team to enable that rest that seems to elude most parents on the move. To be that well prepared parent for any research trip, do take time to order my book, "Parents on the Move!" from Amazon or the CLC website. May blessings abound in all yuor travels.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Relocation Research- Driving Around the New Location
So, you have your list of six schools to visit (see "Parents on the Move!," chapter Three, Destiny Image Europe Publishers, you can order from Amazon or Christianbooks.com) and are setting up appointments to visit your schools. Write out a schedule for no more than three school visits a day. In my book, I provide you a sample "School Visiting Schedule," which you can photo copy and keep with you throughout your one week research trip.
Do make sure you have telephoned the schools before boarding the plane, to confirm your appointments and have a named person to meet at each school. You will have, of course, checked out school websites and any possible facebook info. Do not rely on this sort of social media as gospel for what actually happens at a school, but do use it to formulate your questions when on the school tour.
Secondly, I strongly recommend you splash out for a car driver. This may sound extravagant, but bear with me.This is no time to be late for school visits simply because you do not know your way around upper Manhattan or Fairfield County. Principals/Headmistresses have cleared a space for you on their time table and it is seriously not a good idea to be late in most school cultures. Having a driver can free you up to call ahead to the school (again, confirming that you are actually on the way) and to discuss education issues with someone on your support team (next week in this blog) while en route. Save learning your way around your new town for another time.When you are on your school visiting schedule, you are down to business! Should you wish to "see the location," the driver knows just where to look for Main Street/High Street, leafy neighbourhoods,shops, et al.
While I do not get a commission from any driver, I have suggestions for London (do email me)and New York (area) and have found Boston Coach to be reliable over the years in the later. Make sure, when booking the driver that he or she is happy to discuss neighbourhoods with you, and best school driving routes at eight am in the morning- they have some very helpful insights!
Do make sure you have telephoned the schools before boarding the plane, to confirm your appointments and have a named person to meet at each school. You will have, of course, checked out school websites and any possible facebook info. Do not rely on this sort of social media as gospel for what actually happens at a school, but do use it to formulate your questions when on the school tour.
Secondly, I strongly recommend you splash out for a car driver. This may sound extravagant, but bear with me.This is no time to be late for school visits simply because you do not know your way around upper Manhattan or Fairfield County. Principals/Headmistresses have cleared a space for you on their time table and it is seriously not a good idea to be late in most school cultures. Having a driver can free you up to call ahead to the school (again, confirming that you are actually on the way) and to discuss education issues with someone on your support team (next week in this blog) while en route. Save learning your way around your new town for another time.When you are on your school visiting schedule, you are down to business! Should you wish to "see the location," the driver knows just where to look for Main Street/High Street, leafy neighbourhoods,shops, et al.
While I do not get a commission from any driver, I have suggestions for London (do email me)and New York (area) and have found Boston Coach to be reliable over the years in the later. Make sure, when booking the driver that he or she is happy to discuss neighbourhoods with you, and best school driving routes at eight am in the morning- they have some very helpful insights!
Friday, 20 May 2011
Research Trip for Relocation
We are about to welcome the young couple who will be staying in our home while we head to the states for six months, as it's that time of year again when we switch countries. I was thinking how easy this transition is now, compared to earlier days. How lovely it is to just pick up the phone and have a friend meet us at the Tampa airport. We catch up on local news (who gossips?!) while driving across the Skyline Bridge and I am eager to once again get my toes into the Gulf of Mexico.
But it hasn't always been such a smooth transition. When you change countries with children, your focus is more on "How will they settle into the new school?" What do we do if the baby gets an earache on the flight? What if my teenager finds the transition a real pain?"
This is where a research trip several months ahead of the actual relocation is envaluable. Over the next several days I am going to write about what makes a successful research trip, especially when you are doing this as a single mother. The reason I am focusing on single mothers is that even when you are married, most overseas assignments are still male (see link for stats)and often the mum/mom does the research on her own.As one vetran of multiple corporate moves said to me, "When it comes to the research trip, I always feel like a single mother. OK, a single mother with a great paycheck." With corporate relocation packages not being at their best these days, I will focus on a more "doing it yourself" budget variety. Though I continue to write mostly about relocation between the UK and USA, it is my hope that the principles will aplly to other regions of the world....I always have my parents relocation to South Korea in mind!(And believe me, there was no beforehand trip.) Enjoy the prep. It's part of the journey....now, today I am back to shoving things in the attic!
But it hasn't always been such a smooth transition. When you change countries with children, your focus is more on "How will they settle into the new school?" What do we do if the baby gets an earache on the flight? What if my teenager finds the transition a real pain?"
This is where a research trip several months ahead of the actual relocation is envaluable. Over the next several days I am going to write about what makes a successful research trip, especially when you are doing this as a single mother. The reason I am focusing on single mothers is that even when you are married, most overseas assignments are still male (see link for stats)and often the mum/mom does the research on her own.As one vetran of multiple corporate moves said to me, "When it comes to the research trip, I always feel like a single mother. OK, a single mother with a great paycheck." With corporate relocation packages not being at their best these days, I will focus on a more "doing it yourself" budget variety. Though I continue to write mostly about relocation between the UK and USA, it is my hope that the principles will aplly to other regions of the world....I always have my parents relocation to South Korea in mind!(And believe me, there was no beforehand trip.) Enjoy the prep. It's part of the journey....now, today I am back to shoving things in the attic!
Thursday, 31 March 2011
English Mother's Day
We're back in Surrey, England and looking forward to my daughter and son in law coming down from London to celebrate English Mother's Day; or Mothering Sunday, as they call it in the UK. The stores are packed with cards and flowers and gifts to give "mum." Even the post office had a lovely gift card, where you could load up a bit of money for your mum to spend at a variety of local shops.
I continue to give thanks for being able to be a mum/mom. Father God was and is so good to me!
So we go from celebrating Italian Father's Day Saturday before last, to English Mother's Day which may be a whole-weekend event. My daughter and I plan to take Saturday morning and enjoy a "facial" at Neal's Yard (a branch of the famous London natural skin-care shop) and then shop for some up-coming weddings of family and friends.
Then, in the late afternoon there are several music concerts; and though I am not sure they are in honour of Mother's Day, this mom is looking forward to going! One concert features rock- gospel. There is a whisper that this group which will be singing at Holy Trinity Church in Guildford on Saturday, may be tipped to be part of the Olympics Opening Ceremony. As my husband's oldest son is singing, we just might be able to say we will have someone in the family who is in the UK Olympics!
That evening a step-daughter in law will be singing English Cathedral Music at a church in Fleet, so we will head on to concert number two of the day after a quick Chinese dinner take away. Cathedral music doesn't seem to be much in demand for the Olympic concerts, but I am looking forward to quiet moments soaking in this historic musical tradition. I love Saturday nights when music prepares hearts and minds for Sunday worship.
I continue to give thanks for being able to be a mum/mom. Father God was and is so good to me!
So we go from celebrating Italian Father's Day Saturday before last, to English Mother's Day which may be a whole-weekend event. My daughter and I plan to take Saturday morning and enjoy a "facial" at Neal's Yard (a branch of the famous London natural skin-care shop) and then shop for some up-coming weddings of family and friends.
Then, in the late afternoon there are several music concerts; and though I am not sure they are in honour of Mother's Day, this mom is looking forward to going! One concert features rock- gospel. There is a whisper that this group which will be singing at Holy Trinity Church in Guildford on Saturday, may be tipped to be part of the Olympics Opening Ceremony. As my husband's oldest son is singing, we just might be able to say we will have someone in the family who is in the UK Olympics!
That evening a step-daughter in law will be singing English Cathedral Music at a church in Fleet, so we will head on to concert number two of the day after a quick Chinese dinner take away. Cathedral music doesn't seem to be much in demand for the Olympic concerts, but I am looking forward to quiet moments soaking in this historic musical tradition. I love Saturday nights when music prepares hearts and minds for Sunday worship.
Monday, 21 March 2011
Day Out in Italy
Jo Parfitt's father wrote a book called "Global Grandparents" and it suggests than when you are visiting your children overseas it is a good idea to take a day or two and go out somewhere on your own. Leave the kids in peace! Give them a break!
So, today my husband and I decided we would brave the Italian traffic and head a hundred miles down the road to the seaside town of Pescara. The head office of my publisher, Destiny Image Europe has their office there and we were able to meet up with the lovely and welcoming Destiny Image Europe Team. For two hours we talked over my next book, as well as promotion work for my first book, "Parents on the Move!" Then we went to lunch together, and that is where I saw the greatest little idea for helping young families as they gather their lunch at a cafeteria. I will post a photo of this "Family Tray Carrier" as I call it when we get back to the UK and I can load up the photo.It may not be earth shaking, but I love simple technology that makes life for young moms and dads as simple as possible. Apparently those of you who have visited IKEA stores will have seen this little device but it is available generally throughout Italy.
Back "home", my step-daughter and I made a last minute run to the store to get my English son in law's birthday present;which of course will remain secret, but I have to say I am pleased that the home designer G..... has their home in this Marche' region of Italy. There are twenty one regions of Italy and this one is the home of G....and shoes- lots of Outlets!
We are now packing and preparing to get all we can into the one carry on bag allowed on Ryan Air and head back to the UK in the morning. Granddad is reading bedtime stories now and we prepare to say goodbye to Baby D. While global grandparenting has it's blessings, it is always hard to say goodbye.
So, today my husband and I decided we would brave the Italian traffic and head a hundred miles down the road to the seaside town of Pescara. The head office of my publisher, Destiny Image Europe has their office there and we were able to meet up with the lovely and welcoming Destiny Image Europe Team. For two hours we talked over my next book, as well as promotion work for my first book, "Parents on the Move!" Then we went to lunch together, and that is where I saw the greatest little idea for helping young families as they gather their lunch at a cafeteria. I will post a photo of this "Family Tray Carrier" as I call it when we get back to the UK and I can load up the photo.It may not be earth shaking, but I love simple technology that makes life for young moms and dads as simple as possible. Apparently those of you who have visited IKEA stores will have seen this little device but it is available generally throughout Italy.
Back "home", my step-daughter and I made a last minute run to the store to get my English son in law's birthday present;which of course will remain secret, but I have to say I am pleased that the home designer G..... has their home in this Marche' region of Italy. There are twenty one regions of Italy and this one is the home of G....and shoes- lots of Outlets!
We are now packing and preparing to get all we can into the one carry on bag allowed on Ryan Air and head back to the UK in the morning. Granddad is reading bedtime stories now and we prepare to say goodbye to Baby D. While global grandparenting has it's blessings, it is always hard to say goodbye.
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Italian Father's Day
Father's Day is today, a Saturday in Italy, so we are heading out tonight to a local pizza place to enjoy two generaions of fathers and give thanks for all they do for our family.
For me, Saturday mornings are always special. It's my time to recharge batteries, a type of Sabbath rest that doesn't happen when rushing to church on a Sunday. This Saturday we are with my husband's daughter and her young family in the Le Marche area on the Adriatic. Papa G (ie the son in law)woke up (from a sleepless night with baby D)to a sign on Baby D's chalkboard saying "Happy Father's Day, " and a note on his screen saver. Later in the morning my husband had some father-daughter time as they took Baby D to his weekly swimming lessons in the only learner pool for miles around.
I just basqued in the sun on the terrace. Some Saturdays I love time to myself, sometimes a special lesurily moment with my husband or a very long telephone chat with my sister. As part of this Italian version of my Saturday morning ritual I was enjoying a good book, but I was missing my very large black coffee. Then the idea came to me. I made the usual Italian expresso on the stovetop in one of those iconic Italian designed coffee makers, and poured it into an American sized mug, added hot water and presto...I had the Saturday morning coffee all set. Back on the balcony reading and giving thanks for the fathers in our family...
For me, Saturday mornings are always special. It's my time to recharge batteries, a type of Sabbath rest that doesn't happen when rushing to church on a Sunday. This Saturday we are with my husband's daughter and her young family in the Le Marche area on the Adriatic. Papa G (ie the son in law)woke up (from a sleepless night with baby D)to a sign on Baby D's chalkboard saying "Happy Father's Day, " and a note on his screen saver. Later in the morning my husband had some father-daughter time as they took Baby D to his weekly swimming lessons in the only learner pool for miles around.
I just basqued in the sun on the terrace. Some Saturdays I love time to myself, sometimes a special lesurily moment with my husband or a very long telephone chat with my sister. As part of this Italian version of my Saturday morning ritual I was enjoying a good book, but I was missing my very large black coffee. Then the idea came to me. I made the usual Italian expresso on the stovetop in one of those iconic Italian designed coffee makers, and poured it into an American sized mug, added hot water and presto...I had the Saturday morning coffee all set. Back on the balcony reading and giving thanks for the fathers in our family...
Friday, 18 March 2011
Friday in St'Elpidio
Sunny day, but cool and the granparents (that's us) decded to go on one our walks with Baby D. Grandad did the technology (ie unflurrled this generation's complicated stoller/pushchair/passeggino) and I secured the hat. Off we went to see the small Friday market (Saturday is the bigger market in a nearby town)...and who did we run into but Italian grandma- or "Nona" as they say in these parts!
It makes you feel very much at home to run into someone you know in the market. After hugs and kisses (both sides of the cheeks) we then went on our way past kitchen items, fruit and veg and beautful blouses and teenage t-shirts and jeans. I can say "hello" with a good enough accent to get myself in trouble...vendors then come out with a whole string of incomprehensible words! I must say Italian men know how to make an older woman feel apreciated! Nothing lewd or menacing, just friendly and welcoming. What a treat!
We are back home and have had a big family lunch wth birthday cake for Chris's daughter...they made it together last night and I took photos. We may just have to YouTube some of my husband's good cooking methods. Yesterday was quite a baking day...birthday cake, then hot cross buns, then bread which was consumed in minutes. Food is such a part of family life here, and it is lovely to have some time to make, bake and enjoy!
There is quite a challenge when writing about this though....the computer keyboard is in yet another layout (ie not American and not English layout)and though the layout of the google checkin page is thankfully the same I am still guessings at the translation! Google Italia was all decorated for the 150th Republic anniversary yesterday!
It makes you feel very much at home to run into someone you know in the market. After hugs and kisses (both sides of the cheeks) we then went on our way past kitchen items, fruit and veg and beautful blouses and teenage t-shirts and jeans. I can say "hello" with a good enough accent to get myself in trouble...vendors then come out with a whole string of incomprehensible words! I must say Italian men know how to make an older woman feel apreciated! Nothing lewd or menacing, just friendly and welcoming. What a treat!
We are back home and have had a big family lunch wth birthday cake for Chris's daughter...they made it together last night and I took photos. We may just have to YouTube some of my husband's good cooking methods. Yesterday was quite a baking day...birthday cake, then hot cross buns, then bread which was consumed in minutes. Food is such a part of family life here, and it is lovely to have some time to make, bake and enjoy!
There is quite a challenge when writing about this though....the computer keyboard is in yet another layout (ie not American and not English layout)and though the layout of the google checkin page is thankfully the same I am still guessings at the translation! Google Italia was all decorated for the 150th Republic anniversary yesterday!
Thursday, 17 March 2011
Italian Flag Day
It's a little sunnier today in Italy, though a cool wind blows on the beach. The waves were a bit rough, but we were there to do a family walk and to assist Baby D with sandcastles. On the drive down the hill from Sant'Elpidio to the "Mare" we saw flags hanging from balconies and quite a number of shops shut.
Today marks the 150th year of Italy being a republic and it is a national holiday. Road repairmen were working and the grocery store was open, but many people seem to be taking this one-off holiday as a day-off. Italians usually celebrate a national day in the summer, but this is a special day given as a no-work day in honour of the one hundred and fifty years of a unified country.
We are back up the hill now, and our exhausted sandcastle builder is sleeping while his parents and grandparents start the first BBQ of the year on the terrace- summer is coming!
When we stood on the beach earlier today, we eyed the waves and talked about the Tsunami in Japan. One of the expats here has a son who is married to a Japanese lady. Like many in the world, families have been grateful this week for skype and facebook and mobile/cell phones. When my sister and I spoke earlier this week, we remembered that it took two weeks for our mother to hear that her sister, brother in law and our cousin were alive after the huge earthquake in Chili in 1960. Today, I think of and pray for families who would love a day off to connect and build sandcastles.
Today marks the 150th year of Italy being a republic and it is a national holiday. Road repairmen were working and the grocery store was open, but many people seem to be taking this one-off holiday as a day-off. Italians usually celebrate a national day in the summer, but this is a special day given as a no-work day in honour of the one hundred and fifty years of a unified country.
We are back up the hill now, and our exhausted sandcastle builder is sleeping while his parents and grandparents start the first BBQ of the year on the terrace- summer is coming!
When we stood on the beach earlier today, we eyed the waves and talked about the Tsunami in Japan. One of the expats here has a son who is married to a Japanese lady. Like many in the world, families have been grateful this week for skype and facebook and mobile/cell phones. When my sister and I spoke earlier this week, we remembered that it took two weeks for our mother to hear that her sister, brother in law and our cousin were alive after the huge earthquake in Chili in 1960. Today, I think of and pray for families who would love a day off to connect and build sandcastles.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Grandparents on the Move!
We are back in Italy and enjoying being grandparents "up close" for a week. We try to visit twice a year and in between times, enjoy seeng the newest addition to our family on skype. This year, Baby D (now one and a half) met us at the airport with his parents; but after the long ride home he went straight to the compter and kept pointing- we were supposed to be on skype! And here we were- alive in person!
I just love the fact that he made the connection!
We flew Ryan Air down from Standsted airport yesterday and noted they are no longer just "handing out" little plastic bags for liquids. Now there is a vending machne where, for a pound ($1.62)- and you do need the proper coin- you can purchase a small platic baggie for your toothpaste etc. I've started stuffing our roll on- carry on bag (one per person), with zip lock bags from the supermarket.
We're looking forward to this week of pushcahir/stroller/passeggino walks into the ancient part of this hillside village and collectng Baby D from his nursery group one or two afternoons.....and I've got the baggies at the ready - just incase. You never know, somewhere in my parenting days I know I used them for more than just airline security!
I just love the fact that he made the connection!
We flew Ryan Air down from Standsted airport yesterday and noted they are no longer just "handing out" little plastic bags for liquids. Now there is a vending machne where, for a pound ($1.62)- and you do need the proper coin- you can purchase a small platic baggie for your toothpaste etc. I've started stuffing our roll on- carry on bag (one per person), with zip lock bags from the supermarket.
We're looking forward to this week of pushcahir/stroller/passeggino walks into the ancient part of this hillside village and collectng Baby D from his nursery group one or two afternoons.....and I've got the baggies at the ready - just incase. You never know, somewhere in my parenting days I know I used them for more than just airline security!
Friday, 17 December 2010
Christmas 2010
Christmas Greetings!
Last night our English church gathered for carol singing, going past homes in the village and straight to the pub on the cold and wintery night. We sang our hearts out and truely enjoyed "In the Bleak Mid-Winter" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," as we passed out song sheets to all gathered in this most English of settings. We got everyone, including the policeman who stopped by, singing!
The publican produced mulled wine and mince pies and thanked us for accepting his invitation to get the locals into the true Christmas spirit. The thanks was all ours; especially as between songs and sips and spicy bites we had prayer requests that truely touched our hearts. Today we pray, knowing we do not have all the answers but we know the presence of the Holy Spirit changes things and gives us more than a song.
I am starting up this blog again, and am not ready to speak about the loss of my mother this year but am giving thanks for the years she placed surprises under the home-decorated tree.I look forward to the good things Our Father has for a heart that holds on. Happy Advent everyone!
Last night our English church gathered for carol singing, going past homes in the village and straight to the pub on the cold and wintery night. We sang our hearts out and truely enjoyed "In the Bleak Mid-Winter" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," as we passed out song sheets to all gathered in this most English of settings. We got everyone, including the policeman who stopped by, singing!
The publican produced mulled wine and mince pies and thanked us for accepting his invitation to get the locals into the true Christmas spirit. The thanks was all ours; especially as between songs and sips and spicy bites we had prayer requests that truely touched our hearts. Today we pray, knowing we do not have all the answers but we know the presence of the Holy Spirit changes things and gives us more than a song.
I am starting up this blog again, and am not ready to speak about the loss of my mother this year but am giving thanks for the years she placed surprises under the home-decorated tree.I look forward to the good things Our Father has for a heart that holds on. Happy Advent everyone!
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Mom on a final journey
Many apologies for not writing for days on end. This summer I stayed in Florida while I my husband went back to the UK and Italy to see the kids and grandchildren. I stayed to help look after mom. It was a quick learning curve regarding the US medical system, and it was and is a privelege to spend these final days with my eighty nine year old mother.
I will write more later, but I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has sent us greetings and kept my family and that of my brother and sister in their prayers. We give thanks especially for the Hospice team here in Venice, Florida! And for my husband's safe return to the states!
love and blessings, Kathleen
I will write more later, but I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has sent us greetings and kept my family and that of my brother and sister in their prayers. We give thanks especially for the Hospice team here in Venice, Florida! And for my husband's safe return to the states!
love and blessings, Kathleen
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
Dr Myles Munroe
"If you are an eagle, you aren't going to fly with everyone else! You will not be found among the pigeons!" Dr Myles Munroe made us laugh and made us think these past two evenings at Faith Tabernacle Christian Center in St Paul, North Carolina.
"Where!?" you might ask. Even Dr Munroe wasn't sure where he was! "Somebody must have prayed!" he said as he let us know that where we were in the back woods of North Carolina was not on his schedule. But here he was. And he loved it! He loved the local food, and getting to know the people and their needs for reaching their God give potential.
He said the cemetary was the richest place on earth....there you can find so many unfilled dreams. Books that were meant to be written, but the people died. Songs that were meant to be sung, poetry that God had planted in hearts and minds, day care centers that had not been built, schools that had not had teachers...so many dreams had gone to the grave. He challenged us to know the dream that was in us, planted by the Lord from the beginning of time.
"Where!?" you might ask. Even Dr Munroe wasn't sure where he was! "Somebody must have prayed!" he said as he let us know that where we were in the back woods of North Carolina was not on his schedule. But here he was. And he loved it! He loved the local food, and getting to know the people and their needs for reaching their God give potential.
He said the cemetary was the richest place on earth....there you can find so many unfilled dreams. Books that were meant to be written, but the people died. Songs that were meant to be sung, poetry that God had planted in hearts and minds, day care centers that had not been built, schools that had not had teachers...so many dreams had gone to the grave. He challenged us to know the dream that was in us, planted by the Lord from the beginning of time.
Monday, 12 July 2010
Fire flies!
Last night I was sitting out in the late evening with my mother and my sister. We had just had a summer feast of catfist, corn on the cob (sesoned with Old Bay) and delicious watermelon. Mom told us about her grandfather, and how he had been a watermelon farmer. We enjoyed a little breeze while sitting under the tall Carolina pines, and hearing the stories on this hot night.
We recalled sitting on my grandparents porch in Charolotte, and running around with other kids we knew while the "old folks" talked the hours away into the dark, hot night. Then it dawned on me, we used to catch lightening bugs! Where the lightening bugs these days?
Some people call lightening bugs, fire flies, but what ever you call or called them when you were young, we used to catch them in a jar and then watch them light up in the night. We always asked our parents if we could sit the jar next to our bed, so we could watch them light up when the lights were out. Mom would insist we poke holes in the jar lid so we didn't kill the creatures, and some time long after hot little children had fallen asleep all the mothers I knew, including mine, would sneak in the bedroom and take the jars out the backdoor. The fire flies were released into freedom.
We recalled sitting on my grandparents porch in Charolotte, and running around with other kids we knew while the "old folks" talked the hours away into the dark, hot night. Then it dawned on me, we used to catch lightening bugs! Where the lightening bugs these days?
Some people call lightening bugs, fire flies, but what ever you call or called them when you were young, we used to catch them in a jar and then watch them light up in the night. We always asked our parents if we could sit the jar next to our bed, so we could watch them light up when the lights were out. Mom would insist we poke holes in the jar lid so we didn't kill the creatures, and some time long after hot little children had fallen asleep all the mothers I knew, including mine, would sneak in the bedroom and take the jars out the backdoor. The fire flies were released into freedom.
Sunday, 4 July 2010
4th of July
This is the first Fourth of July I have experienced in the USA in years! This "Involuntary Re-entry" is full of surprises, and one of them is the blessing that I can spend this time with my sister, brother and 89 year old mother.
It is interesteing to hear them reminise about "Fourths gone by" and of all the family gatherings I have missed. My mom talks about how she and dad celebrated this day while in Korea, and I share stories of make-shift celebrations in the UK, as well as British vs American basketball games in Jamaica. My brother talks of the wonderful fireworks in Washington, DC where he works as an archivist at the National Archives.
My sister looks at all of us, on this her favourite holiday of the entire year and shakes her head. She wishes she had a family who knew how to get on a plane and just come home for these festivities.
This morning at church we sang, "God Bless America" and said the pledge of Allegence. It brought tears to my eyes to be able to sing these songs and say these words, but I was SO grateful they were on the screen above. It had been so long, I wasn't sure I remembered. No one seemed terribly patriotic, as I had remembered they had once been; most people seemed concerned that America was losing it's way and much in need of prayer.
One of the local ladies I have recently come to know said, "My kids went to the beach today and asked me to join them. I said 'no, my country is in trouble. Time to go to church to pray." Amen.
It is interesteing to hear them reminise about "Fourths gone by" and of all the family gatherings I have missed. My mom talks about how she and dad celebrated this day while in Korea, and I share stories of make-shift celebrations in the UK, as well as British vs American basketball games in Jamaica. My brother talks of the wonderful fireworks in Washington, DC where he works as an archivist at the National Archives.
My sister looks at all of us, on this her favourite holiday of the entire year and shakes her head. She wishes she had a family who knew how to get on a plane and just come home for these festivities.
This morning at church we sang, "God Bless America" and said the pledge of Allegence. It brought tears to my eyes to be able to sing these songs and say these words, but I was SO grateful they were on the screen above. It had been so long, I wasn't sure I remembered. No one seemed terribly patriotic, as I had remembered they had once been; most people seemed concerned that America was losing it's way and much in need of prayer.
One of the local ladies I have recently come to know said, "My kids went to the beach today and asked me to join them. I said 'no, my country is in trouble. Time to go to church to pray." Amen.
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Caring Bridge
A year ago a friend in California emailed me about a young mother who had a terrible bicycle accident. I had suffered a similar though not as serious bicycle accident near my home, while riding in the countryside of England. My friend thought I would understand the trauma of what had happened and asked that I pray for this young woman, and her family. I readily agreed, but what made this a most unusual prayer request was the way the husband of the young woman would keep all those conserned about his wife up to date with her amazing progress. He used a growing website community called Caring Bridge.
Caring Bridge (ww.caringbridge.com) enables family members to post daily journal entries for a loved one recovering from cancer, or the progress of a premature baby, or simply share stories of a relative battling for their health. It is a great way to let family and friends around the world know what is going on when you are caring for someone and do not have the time to send multiple emails or answer every voice mail message. When your primary concern is caring for a loved one, yet others want to ask "how is it going?" Caring Bridge is a great resource-and it is free!
With all that is going on with my mother in her final stage of illness, I have turned to Caring Bridge to let family and friends in mulitple locations know "just how mom is doing today." It took only minutes to start the site yesterday and I was able to set the confidentiality level (ie who has access to information)that is right for our family. We've had calls from Liberia, and Hong Kong and visits from friends from Taiwan and South Korea as well as Texas and Washington,DC and each one has said, "Let us know how she does. Keep us informed." We can do this with Caring Bridge.
Caring Bridge (ww.caringbridge.com) enables family members to post daily journal entries for a loved one recovering from cancer, or the progress of a premature baby, or simply share stories of a relative battling for their health. It is a great way to let family and friends around the world know what is going on when you are caring for someone and do not have the time to send multiple emails or answer every voice mail message. When your primary concern is caring for a loved one, yet others want to ask "how is it going?" Caring Bridge is a great resource-and it is free!
With all that is going on with my mother in her final stage of illness, I have turned to Caring Bridge to let family and friends in mulitple locations know "just how mom is doing today." It took only minutes to start the site yesterday and I was able to set the confidentiality level (ie who has access to information)that is right for our family. We've had calls from Liberia, and Hong Kong and visits from friends from Taiwan and South Korea as well as Texas and Washington,DC and each one has said, "Let us know how she does. Keep us informed." We can do this with Caring Bridge.
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Involuntary Re-entry #2
It is a privelege to care for a parent in their last days; and my mother is no exception. We are having a God-given and very special time together. I am cherishing every moment...now that I have accepted that caring for her means total immersion into a culture I have only experienced from time to time, southern Bible-belted summers while growing up.
My sister has always loved North Carolina, our mother's home state and she lives nearby (I am here so that my sister can get back to work as director of a regional hospital in this area-she has put in long hours helping mom, and dad before he passed away).
I have always preferred my father's home state, Arkansas. Carolina ways are different, but I am learning and loving the beauty of this area. I am also realising that all her married life my mother lived in Washington,DC for my dad. She was home base while he travelled all over the world, and then they both took off for South Korea. And then they settled down at Baylor University while they lived and worked as missionaries to the international Baptist Student Mission. All those years, mom has longed for the carolina pine trees and the beaches of the shore islands. These are her last days...so the least I can do is support her in spending them exactly where she wants!
I see her friends and our extended family stopping by to see how she is doing. We get so many calls, and cards and love from even the pharmacy delivery man ("Love your momma. She is so sweet," he says and adds that it is "no trouble to deliver anythings she wants.") Everyone I have met so far tell me of how they loved my dad in the years they knew him, and how much my mother means to them. Even in the grocery store (now learning new American foods) someone stops me and says, "Are you Mzz M's daughter? So good you can be here for her at this time."
Yes, indeed. I am falling in love with Carolina!
My sister has always loved North Carolina, our mother's home state and she lives nearby (I am here so that my sister can get back to work as director of a regional hospital in this area-she has put in long hours helping mom, and dad before he passed away).
I have always preferred my father's home state, Arkansas. Carolina ways are different, but I am learning and loving the beauty of this area. I am also realising that all her married life my mother lived in Washington,DC for my dad. She was home base while he travelled all over the world, and then they both took off for South Korea. And then they settled down at Baylor University while they lived and worked as missionaries to the international Baptist Student Mission. All those years, mom has longed for the carolina pine trees and the beaches of the shore islands. These are her last days...so the least I can do is support her in spending them exactly where she wants!
I see her friends and our extended family stopping by to see how she is doing. We get so many calls, and cards and love from even the pharmacy delivery man ("Love your momma. She is so sweet," he says and adds that it is "no trouble to deliver anythings she wants.") Everyone I have met so far tell me of how they loved my dad in the years they knew him, and how much my mother means to them. Even in the grocery store (now learning new American foods) someone stops me and says, "Are you Mzz M's daughter? So good you can be here for her at this time."
Yes, indeed. I am falling in love with Carolina!
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Involuntary Re-entry
How many of you have ever relocated "back home" when it was not your desire to move? You find yourself in your country of origin and you are not ready to come home?
I have never lived in North Carolina, and this temporary move is a most unusual re-entry. It is re-entry to my mother's state! If you have read my book, "Parents on the Move!" you will recall that my parents, deep south southern Americans, raised us kids in Washington, DC. It was southern as country ham and biscuits inside our home, but northern territory once you stepped out the door. I started early, going from culture to culture within a single day.
My mother has chosen to spend her final days back on Carolina home ground where she was born, and I have "come home" to look after her. I am on a sharp learning curve, indeed. These days I am much more at home in Manhattan or London, yet am doing all I can to care for her and do this re-entry "stuff" so that I can be of help to all the family. When the plane landed in the Carolina hills, so many people said "welcome home" but I can't even find my way around a grocery store!
I have never lived in North Carolina, and this temporary move is a most unusual re-entry. It is re-entry to my mother's state! If you have read my book, "Parents on the Move!" you will recall that my parents, deep south southern Americans, raised us kids in Washington, DC. It was southern as country ham and biscuits inside our home, but northern territory once you stepped out the door. I started early, going from culture to culture within a single day.
My mother has chosen to spend her final days back on Carolina home ground where she was born, and I have "come home" to look after her. I am on a sharp learning curve, indeed. These days I am much more at home in Manhattan or London, yet am doing all I can to care for her and do this re-entry "stuff" so that I can be of help to all the family. When the plane landed in the Carolina hills, so many people said "welcome home" but I can't even find my way around a grocery store!
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Priorities No 2
If you read yeseterday's blog you will understand that the first thing I did today(after the first part of the "morning routine" that I do for mom) was to head to the nurse's station and weigh myself. As a result, I am thinking through MY priorities as a caregiver!
No 1 Healthy eating
I am telling mom how much I appreciate all the food,restaurants etc but I am going to take care in what I eat. Simple? Just have a southern mother and see how YOU do!
No 2 Exercise
This priority may be on my prayer list more than in reality, but I AM going to try to walk a half hour a day! There is a good walking path nearby. If you have read my book, "Parent's on the Move!" you will know that one of the things I try to do when I change location is find a "walk" and a walking partner.
No 3 Quiet Time
Maybe not a set time at the moment, but if I have my Bible handy I can take the moments that come, and practice the Brother Lawrence style of praying while "in the kitchen."
No 4 Writing
Next week my mother's nurse will be here for more hours, so I will head to the library and attempt writing book number two! Am also thinking about writing a paper for the Families in Global Transition conference that is held in Washington DC next March....and then an article on "Women's Ministry"...
In someways, I need to approach this move into mom's assissted living as another relocation...so different emotionally, but a relocation non the less.
No 1 Healthy eating
I am telling mom how much I appreciate all the food,restaurants etc but I am going to take care in what I eat. Simple? Just have a southern mother and see how YOU do!
No 2 Exercise
This priority may be on my prayer list more than in reality, but I AM going to try to walk a half hour a day! There is a good walking path nearby. If you have read my book, "Parent's on the Move!" you will know that one of the things I try to do when I change location is find a "walk" and a walking partner.
No 3 Quiet Time
Maybe not a set time at the moment, but if I have my Bible handy I can take the moments that come, and practice the Brother Lawrence style of praying while "in the kitchen."
No 4 Writing
Next week my mother's nurse will be here for more hours, so I will head to the library and attempt writing book number two! Am also thinking about writing a paper for the Families in Global Transition conference that is held in Washington DC next March....and then an article on "Women's Ministry"...
In someways, I need to approach this move into mom's assissted living as another relocation...so different emotionally, but a relocation non the less.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Priorities No 1
Jo Parfitt in her recent twitter asked, "what keeps you from writing?" I answered, "priorities!" In the first days of the news that my mother was dying, all I could think about was, "Mom, what do you want? What can I do for you?" As I said in the last blog entry, it was twenty-four-seven, this caregiving.
Brain tumours are strange things. Mom is physically fairly fit, very fit for an 89 year old. Though she is losing her ability to think clearly and get some words to the surface of her thoughts and speech, she does make her wishes known. One of them is to see her friends, everyone who stops by, and answer every telephone call. People are flying into see her, and calls are coming in at all hours from all over the world.
Her second priority seems to be to feed us like hmmm, well, there is no tomorrow! She wants us to take her to restaurants, and at first I thought this was for her to enjoy eating a variety of foods and have meals with her family. She likes to be with the family alright-but she doesn't eat a thing! I have wanted to cook for her and prepare special meals;but no,she wants to go to the Texas Steak House! She wanted the visiting- from- England -grandkids to enjoy Outback! My sister and I are now looking at each other with expressions such as, "We can't keep this up. We will be the size of a house!" She wants diets out the window (not for her, but for us!)Doing the dishes is OUT....cooking is OUT. Ironing is OUT. Going to church with her is IN....but those meals are not what we would call healthy either!
I am so glad my husband is here now. He is an amazing help but he looked in the fridge and said, "so much food but nothing to eat!" Mom has stocked the fridge with every treat in town, (but still wants to visit every restuarant in town). I know her heart is to see her kids, and grandkids and sons in laws enjoy life and have the laughter and conversation around her....but this caregiver is sneaking in some fruit and yoghurt!
Brain tumours are strange things. Mom is physically fairly fit, very fit for an 89 year old. Though she is losing her ability to think clearly and get some words to the surface of her thoughts and speech, she does make her wishes known. One of them is to see her friends, everyone who stops by, and answer every telephone call. People are flying into see her, and calls are coming in at all hours from all over the world.
Her second priority seems to be to feed us like hmmm, well, there is no tomorrow! She wants us to take her to restaurants, and at first I thought this was for her to enjoy eating a variety of foods and have meals with her family. She likes to be with the family alright-but she doesn't eat a thing! I have wanted to cook for her and prepare special meals;but no,she wants to go to the Texas Steak House! She wanted the visiting- from- England -grandkids to enjoy Outback! My sister and I are now looking at each other with expressions such as, "We can't keep this up. We will be the size of a house!" She wants diets out the window (not for her, but for us!)Doing the dishes is OUT....cooking is OUT. Ironing is OUT. Going to church with her is IN....but those meals are not what we would call healthy either!
I am so glad my husband is here now. He is an amazing help but he looked in the fridge and said, "so much food but nothing to eat!" Mom has stocked the fridge with every treat in town, (but still wants to visit every restuarant in town). I know her heart is to see her kids, and grandkids and sons in laws enjoy life and have the laughter and conversation around her....but this caregiver is sneaking in some fruit and yoghurt!
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Caregiver
This is one of the most challenging things I have ever done-taking care of my mother in the last stages of a terminal illness. My husband and I were planning to be in Florida for several months when my mother called to say that she had an inoperable brain tumour and would I please travel up to North Carolina to visit her? Of course!
When I arrived, the lovely family doctor came to visit us and sat on the porch for a chat and a time of prayer. This is the Bible belt of America, and very much a culture of its own. This is the south, and so my sister and I sat on the porch with Dr B and held hands with mom and prayed. Then Dr B turned to my mother and lovingly looked right into her eyes.
"Libby," she said, "you taught these girls, and their brother, how to live. Now...you are going to teach them how to die. To die with dignity, in peace and with your loved ones around you. I will make sure you are in no pain, but for the emotional side of this life on earth, you will teach them God's way of passing on."
It was only later that we could make jokes and remind ourselves that no one says "dying" here...people just "pass."
At the moment each moment is precious and while we have everything anyone could need at this beautiful "independent/assisted/ nursing care" living space for the elderly that I now call "Assisted Camping" due to all the extended family BBQ's we have at the back of mom's cottage...these are moments of personal care for a mother saying good-bye to her family. It's the late nights, the midnight "runs" to the loo, notes back to England saying I won't be "home" this summer and then early morning assistance that mom needs. It's twenty-four seven, as they say in America.
When I arrived, the lovely family doctor came to visit us and sat on the porch for a chat and a time of prayer. This is the Bible belt of America, and very much a culture of its own. This is the south, and so my sister and I sat on the porch with Dr B and held hands with mom and prayed. Then Dr B turned to my mother and lovingly looked right into her eyes.
"Libby," she said, "you taught these girls, and their brother, how to live. Now...you are going to teach them how to die. To die with dignity, in peace and with your loved ones around you. I will make sure you are in no pain, but for the emotional side of this life on earth, you will teach them God's way of passing on."
It was only later that we could make jokes and remind ourselves that no one says "dying" here...people just "pass."
At the moment each moment is precious and while we have everything anyone could need at this beautiful "independent/assisted/ nursing care" living space for the elderly that I now call "Assisted Camping" due to all the extended family BBQ's we have at the back of mom's cottage...these are moments of personal care for a mother saying good-bye to her family. It's the late nights, the midnight "runs" to the loo, notes back to England saying I won't be "home" this summer and then early morning assistance that mom needs. It's twenty-four seven, as they say in America.
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